Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
