Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
