if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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