I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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