I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
