I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
