Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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