Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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