Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
