your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
