I accidentally burped into my bong.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
