I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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