I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So gin and wine won't be happening again
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
