if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
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