Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
