she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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