the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i now understand why vodka
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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