I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
All I want is dick and wine.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
