Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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