Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
