Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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