ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
