Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
