normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
