why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
