I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
