i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
