U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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