i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
