Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
