you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
