I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
