Only a mothe r could love this liver
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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