Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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