We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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