I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
