i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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