the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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