I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
