she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
