Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
