He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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