I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
