I wanna bring you to show and tell
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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