I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
