can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
