I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
