I'm laying in your front yard are you home
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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