Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
