the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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